Men and Their Elves
by Blubbery Shark
Summary: AU! Faramir has a problem. He's confused about his sexuality, and right now, a certain someone is aggravating his situation. Who? Well here's a clue. Faramir doesn't like grimy men.


Before we begin, I, the Blubbery Shark would like to say a few things: 1. I haven't written in a LONG time 2. This is the first LoTR Fanfic I've EVER written. I guess those factors may lead to the conclusion that this may suck! Hehe. But I do hope that you lads and lassies find it in your heart to be kind, and read my story . even if it isn't much of one. ( And I do hope that it doesn't offend anyone. The idea of having pitchforks and axes carried around by angry LoTR fans who are chasing me (and threatening to behead me) doesn't give me happy thoughts. And now I'm being very senseless so I'll go, shut up and look for a fat tuna to snack on. Peace out. And don't go around eating shark's fin soup!  
  
------------------------ PAGE BREAK!!!!!! PAGE BREAK!!!!! PAGE BREAK!!!! . Okay, I'll shut up now. :D ----------------------------- Chapter 1: In the Beginning  
  
Faramir looked at her. He knew that he never felt any true love for Eowyn, at least, in the way people perceive romantic love to be. Why, he did not know. But they were married nevertheless. Comfort and perhaps, even security had driven them into each other's arms. They both had undergone similar ordeals, and one can say that hardship brought them together. Eowyn lost her cousin; Faramir had lost his brother. Recently, she had lost her uncle who was like a father to her, and Faramir, had lost his father, even before his death. People who see them together say that it was a match made in heaven. Since now, both of them seemed so happy, so perfect and so in love. But Faramir did not marry for her love. He married her because he knew that she would make a good ruler, and that she was his best friend. If you were never to find the love of your life, wouldn't you rather be married and spend the rest of your life with your best friend, than alone? Besides, he knew that she did not marry him for love either. He knew very well that her heart belonged to Aragorn, the king; and to him alone. Strangely, that thought did not hurt him. It didn't even bring out a glimpse of the green-eyed monster. Why? Well that is simply because he had loved someone else - Legolas.  
  
For some non-apparent reason, men, not women, seemed to arouse Faramir. And to him Legolas was a god. He wasn't like the other men - dirty, egotistical, or unclean. He wasn't like Eomer. Though he was handsome in his own light, Eomer was a bit plump and grimy. He wasn't like Aragorn either, the king who only looked good when he was dirty. No. He was perfect. The epitome of lust, love, and beauty. He loved every single inch of him. The thought of elf caused his breath to quicken, his heart to beat faster and faster. It made him feel hot. Every thing about him made him want to cry out: his beautiful long hair, his grace and elegance, his lips, his eyes, and of course, the aura that lingered around him.  
  
At one time, Faramir had caught Legolas bathing under the waterfall. The sight made his mouth water, and feelings he had never felt before rushed through his veins. He felt his face grow hot. He watched, his eyes greedily loomed over every inch of Legolas's body. It teased him, excited him, and, of course . aroused him. Yet all along, Legolas was innocent of the thoughts and feelings that went through Faramir's mind.. Or was he?  
  
If Legolas knew what Faramir thought, surely, he would have stopped. But he didn't. He went on, running his fingers through his long blondish-white hair, touching his chest and gently but meticulously washing himself in order to be certain that he would be, indeed, dirt-free. Surely that would have meant that he was unaware and oblivious. However, that could also mean that Legolas knew Faramir was watching him, and he had a secret desire for him as well. Perhaps, Legolas wanted Faramir. But one may never know. Maybe, he just went on for the fun of it. Maybe, it made him feel sexy, or even seductive. That would only be natural. Elves usually don't have much sex appeal. They have grace and good, kind faces, like Hobbits. Humans were the ones who usually oozed with it. A fine example would be Aragorn. He's dripping with sex appeal from every single pore. Plus, he looks best when he's dirty. Of course, another good example would be Eomer: a true giant in the battlefield, but a bigger one in the bedroom[i]. And finally, there's Faramir. If there was one word that could describe him it would be delicious, that is, in my most humble opinion and in the opinion of most women (I think.).  
  
Anyway, back to the topic of Faramir and Legolas. It doesn't matter whether or not Legolas was aware of Faramir's hidden desire. What really matters is what happened to Faramir while he watched. As I said before, he had never felt feelings of lust run through his veins. As a matter of fact, this has to be the first time Faramir had ever felt that way for a living creature. To make a long story short, and to spare me (and perhaps you fellow readers from my long drawling and redundant descriptions) Faramir was like a volcano that was ready to blow. As every second passed, he began to feel hotter, more excited and well, horny. Then finally at some point, all these crazy emotions were released. For those who have minds as dirty as mine, I would like to say that he didn't grow stiff or do any kitten killing[ii]. He simply. moaned. out loud. really loud. Moaning isn't usually a bad thing (it's actually quite fun), that is, if you aren't male and in the company of other homophobic males who notice anything and everything. Let's just say, that Faramir wasn't very lucky then because Eomer, Aragorn, Gimli, and other war-loving macho men were around. Knowing them, they knew where the moan came from, who made it, and why.. And there, ladies and gentlemen, is where my story begins.  
  
----------------------ANOTHER REALLY REALLY ANNOYING PAGE BREAK!!!! WHOOT!!!! Hehe. --------------------------------- I hope that wasn't so. Well, disturbing. ( If, by popular demand, you guys want me to stop or carry on, please tell me. Haha. You see, I like fancying myself as a servant of the people! Hehe. ( But seriously, I hope you guys like it and I hope that I didn't offend anyone.  
  
----------------------- [i] I should know. *wink* Hehe. [ii] For all those innocent men, women and children, I intend to spare you the details. ;) 


End file.
